Oh My Darling Clementine

There's been a lotof talk about divorces lately. The media (well, that media) has taken its usual spin, "huge increase of divorces in the last fivehundred years, the sky is falling!"
Dear media, that's because twohundred years ago, divorces were punishable by stoning, and fivehundred years ago all that lived here was a pulk of wild pigs and an eremite.

So we have the proposal of the catholic church, basically "divorce should be illegal". The opposing proposal is to allow of homosexual marriages.

Kids. Both of you have a deadfire reason what's wrong with the world, and both of you have exactly one thing that needs to be changed to save the sky from falling so fast. I can actually sympathize with both positions: First, when you marry, you shouldn't marry to evade taxes, or did you notice that the small bars of butter cost almost the same as the large ones? That's what I call the supermarket singles tax, (imposed by corporations not government, though when you ask them they'll have totally bulletproff reasons why it's my fault again). Well, see, you should not marry to save at the supermarket checkout (go shopping with your neighbor, how hard is that?) but because you promise not only to each other but all the world (and me, and Pastor Felix) that you will not run away at the first signs of trouble or bigger boobies or whatever makes you people divorce. I know that things change, but please, people, at least make an effort. I also don't make a difference for gay marriages. Same for you.

But I don't like the messengers. So, I simply go with the oddball proposal by John Black, Author of the X are from Y, Z are from ... errr. W are from X, Y are from Z series of bestsellers. Did you know why we call them bestsellers? Because you read books but buy bessellers. Ha! Anyway, here's the decree: Call your spouse 'darling' once a day, or get fined.

Yes. He says, it will save many marriages. I really don't know. But I do know that you have to develop things that belong neither to you nor to your spouse, but to your partnership. How often in your life did you think "Well, he's five years younger, he's got a real job and the sex is better, but I miss the way my ex said 'good morning, darling' after brushing his teeth"? Never? Here's your chance. It can't hurt to call each other Darling once in a while, even if it's hard. Remember our motto: "We Build You".

Also, I want to be one of those oddball countries with these crazy laws,and that's my chance. The fine can only be requested by one of the spouses, so you can happily live without ever saying "darling" to each other, and noone can complains. Unless of course, the Need-More-Surveillance guys get their way.

Should Democracy Be Compulsory?

Of course, that's how media works. the actual issue is: Should voting be compulsory?
As if voting is the means and ends of democracy. Our ancestors have made great sacrifices to allow you to take no particular interest in the skills of the touched-up photographs you use as a base for deciding your pown future - and STILL live a sheltered life.

So here are the positions:

• No - because you can't force people to be free.
• Yes - because some people vote mroe than others, so distribution is not fair.
• Abolish elections - saves everyone a lot of time.

(Guess which of the suggestions was made by my brother Bill)

Well, that's easy. We won't come to your door and beg you for your vote. If watching two seasons of "Six and a Kitty" end-to-end on election day is more important to you than voting for me, I don't want your vote.

If it was me, I'd make voting harder. You'd have to solve a tricky math question that involves percents and fractions. You'd have to climb a rope or lift some weights, or help a old lady carry that piano to her new apartment. You'd have to know the leaders and the economy of our neighbor countries. You would have to pass tests, and to help out in your community to just earn your personal right to vote.

In turn, we'd celebrate you. You'd get the best seats at the yearly soccer match against the Tivertonian Devils. You'd be the guy to hold the opening speech for the new and improved purification plant in your community. Ladies would smile at you. Hotly. It would be awesome.

Because you value things more when they are harder to achieve. I want you to be ambitous, to have goals in your life.

So, it's 1.

They call me Phoenix!

OK. Vladimir - Volodja. That's two different names, that's often enough two different persons. I will remember that. Anyway. I'm back. The proud people of Finsterberg-Dodeleben have elected me to be their leader.